Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
