i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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