we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
