so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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