And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
