the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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