Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
