I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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