look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
