There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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