We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
