We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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