Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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