Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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