oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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