On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
