Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
