I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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