Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
