If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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