He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
