i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
