a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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