I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
