I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
