if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
