I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
