I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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