I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
