this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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