I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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