Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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