take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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