Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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