I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
