fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
