Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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