End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You are a genius and a whore.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
