Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
