Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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