the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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