Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to calm my uterus...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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