I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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