don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
