How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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