So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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