there's paper in my vomit.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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