Me too!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
