DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
