If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
