Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Randomize
